just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
