spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
