hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
