My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
