you guys were way drunker than both of me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i have herpe
just one?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You've changed since you got that strap on
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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