I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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