That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
