Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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