I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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