My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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