Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
