The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
