Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
