no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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