what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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