I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
