have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
