its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
