Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
