got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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