just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When are your genitals available?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
