do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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