Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
