Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
did i walk over a car last night?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
