Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
