I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
