Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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