my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
