he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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