Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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