i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We left an ass print on the piano.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
