is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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