i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
