he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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