wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
