and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
