After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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