I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
