I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
