i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
