Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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