u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
