I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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