I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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