You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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