All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
