she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
