Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
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