They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
