Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
