he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
