I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
