Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
