that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I could fuck to npr.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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