well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
