She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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