I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
