I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
