Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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