does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
