I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
