i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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