It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
