New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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