just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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